Script Day2.3

For proof readers and editors mainly but everyone is welcome to download and read the script:

Script day2.3 (.doc):

http://www.mediafire.com/?1ndox24ikqvwk0z

Script day2.3 (.pdf):

http://www.mediafire.com/?n1nbaj6h3rv7z97

I will not do any more changes to this script unless there's something majorly wrong lol.  Major changes include cutting down and re-writing some parts of the dialogue.  Based on what Mike's done so far, I've spaced out a few bits.  I've also cut out the original ending and re-written it to be Yu's  blogologue/teaser trailer for what's to come.  Hopefully by then I'll get some more random concept art to overlay with the text.

Any ideas in what the teaser trailer could include based on the narrative so far?

So far I've got:

- The pictures of Kemi on Yu's phone

- Yu sitting in his sitting room with his laptop, a shadow appears in the window

- Insert random concept art with logo, and a 'coming soon' at the end too XD

Script day1.2b

hungrywhispers-script1.2b there has been a few changes mainly adding some minor dialogue for extra things to click on like the bathroom in Yu's compartment. Due to the interface being changed slightly, I had to cut down on the amount of words being shown in a single line (max 3 lines) so some dialogue has some extra lines to accommodate that.  I'll add more descriptive text when the time comes because I'm not sure how the BGs will look like yet.

Just noticed a mistake GCS/CELL CONV line 4.  That's been edited XD.
Line 5 = sounds a bit weird for me so I might change it soon.  Maybe I'll just change it to just "I managed to escape in the end though!"
Line 6 = Haha yeh ... well you know.  They're old and the first born son [will] always get the attention!
IGD, line 4 = God, I'm [in] such a state.  I definitely need a drink.
IGD, line 1 = Wait ... I forgot to get my a drink.

Jeez, I should re-read things more before I post them up >_<!

Other things in which I've changed is that I've tried to make Yu sound a bit more 'formal' to make a contrast to his sister but I think he'll slip into informal tendencies whenever he talks to Kemi though.

Also, players can choose which drinks Yu can get coffee/beer/wine XD but the results will be the same either way XD.

Enjoy!

Day 2 Script minor edit 1

http://www.mediafire.com/?ftx6infrtqlx9kx via Mediafire

Edits done:
Page 2: 9-10-13 usual > usual place.
Page 2: 11: I'll leave you be to rest > I'll leave you to rest
Page 4: 14: Not all M'an > Not at all M'an
Page 5: 16: is currently training on a job be a reporter. > is currently training on the job to be a reporter.
Page 9: 3 today is the day of the official festival of that month: this word month should be the month in question.
Page 9: 1 Ancestral Month or Ghost Month as it is known by locals believe that >Ancestral Month or Ghost Month as it is also known, locals believe that
Page 15: 16 When are we moving?! > When are we going to get moving?!
Page 18: that's a god sign, > that's a good sign,
-

That is all I found and edited.
Have a nice day
Tim

Day2 Script is complete!

HungyWhispers-script2.2 via mediafire!

I hope people are actually enjoying reading my ramblings as a script writer because it's actually really hard -_-;; Anyway, I hope this shows a little more about Yu's personality.  I tried to make it semi-realistic in how a guy like Yu would react in a situation like this.  Puzzle bits will need to be discussed with Mike as I haven't heard from him in a while and I know I'm emulating DS inspired interfaces because that's where most of the VN games are (PW and Hotel Dusk XD).  The only bits that I'll most likely change is Yu's ending blogologue - if anyone wants to help chip in for that please go ahead.  I visualise Yu's blogologues in a cinematic way so if anyone wants to help me storyboard it's a-ok with me.

Day2's script is again in a pdf format and a whopping 18 pages! :O

Now I'm going to crack on with the opening intro :3

ps almost forgot, please let me know of any grammatical mistakes - writing goes out the window especially when writing 1-7am!!! Any script/wording ideas or weird sentences that don't make sense please let me know.

Hungry Whispers Script1.1 & 1.2a

It seems that no one received the script into their email account so I'll post up a download link for it.  Or better yet, if you have DropBox it'll automatically be synced into it.

Just to clarify the naming conventions:
"hungrywhispers-script1.2a":
'1' = refers to the day, '2' = refers to the script version, 'a' = refers to which version of the version (lol) usually it's a minor update/edit. So...
"'hungrywhispers-script1.1" = Hungry Whispers Script Day 1, Version 1
"hungrywhispers-script1.2a" = Hungry Whispers Script Day 1, Version 2 with a slight change. This is the latest update for day 1 version 2.

Hope this helps everyone better understand the pacing and some of the mood notes I've implemented into parts of the script.  An example would be the audio direction column for specific points of the dialogue.

Please download and again decide whether you like version 1 or 2 better...cheers! (The files are in pdf btw)

hungrywhispers-script1.1
hungrywhispers-script1.2a

Hungry Whispers script version day1 v1&2

Version 1 and 2 is now mostly complete. I'll send an email to you guys it's called 

- Hungry Whispers script version day 1.1

- Hungry Whispers script version day 1.2

Note that the cells highlighted in blue are the dialogue parts for when the players start to explore the area.  More can be added but I've addd the basics as I don't know what the final background artwork will contain but I do have an idea.

Right now the script can pretty much be used for story boarding, animation, programming and sound design purposes and please let me know your thoughts about it soon and if anything needs to be drastically changed.

The style in which the script is written is very similar to the script for TKoN (the flash game I made last year) so it probably gives you an insight in how I made it. 

Right now because time is slightly getting on, I propose that we work on a Day by Day basis.  I've no idea if you guys are busy til late September and I really don't want to take up too much of your time.  Plus we can always end it on a cliff hanger and write a bit "TO BE CONTINUED...." note at the end of whichever Day we get up to XD.

Keep up the great work guys!

- Jade

Script Day1-v1

I suck at writing >:[

But it's gotta be done XD So anyway I've written two versions for Yu's blogologue for the beginning and I'm not sure which is better as I approached it differently for Yu in slightly different mindsets. One seems a bit more emotional compared to two but I'll post up both of them anyway.

VERSION 1:

Cutscene: INTRODUCTION

Train, sleeper compartment interior / sunset 

Yu is on the train writing on his laptop (player learns a little about the main character and his situation).  The train is a sleeper train and Yu sits alone in his 1^st class compartment.  He has a very serious look on his face and is very focused on his laptop screen.

Today is the 13^th August.

I am sitting on a train travelling from a family reunion back to the city.

I never really do these things-you know writing. “It’s not a girly diary, it’s a journal or a blog if you want to call it that”, so says Kemi.

I suppose you’d want to know why I’ve decided to start writing at all huh?  Well … I’ll be honest.  It was all my fault no matter what my work mates say.

My profession is a medical intern at the _______ City Hospital. About a week ago a kid was brought into A&E and because of … I … My team leader suggested I take a break.  “It’s Ghost Month soon, why don’t you take this opportunity to visit your family”. So I-

Yu’s laptop battery dies.

Cutscene ends.

===

OR

===

VERSION 2:

Cutscene: INTRODUCTION

Train, sleeper compartment interior / sunset 

Yu is on the train writing on his laptop (player learns a little about the main character and his situation).  The train is a sleeper train and Yu sits alone in his 1^st class compartment.  He has a very serious look on his face and is very focused on his laptop screen.

My name is Yu.

It’s been about a week since that incident at A&E.

According to my sister, writing about my troubles will help me.  Well…here I am.

I am on a train.  I am travelling back to the city after visiting family and relatives for a bit.

I lied about having to go back to work - of course I don’t, since my team leader told me to take a break and use this holiday.

I couldn’t tell them anything.

I couldn’t tell them how I suddenly froze, how my vision went dark…how I failed….because of me we couldn’t….

The kid’s mother screaming and my team sticking up for me.

I couldn’t look them in the eye.

I went to the mother after and apologised for my inability.

I will never forget that face … [or that]- *scream*

Yu’s laptop battery dies.

Cutscene ends.

========================

Crap.  I forgot to plug in the charger before I started typing.  *Sigh*. Oh well, maybe I’ll go explore the train for a bit and give my legs a stretch…maybe grab a drink too.

-----

[Laptop]

My laptop is charging at the moment.  By the time I get back I can I should be able to save what I’ve written properly and perhaps watch a movie or something.

——

[PA] *PA jingle*

Thank you for travelling with us today. The time now is 17:00 with dry weather conditions at 23º.  We have just reached our journey’s  halfway point and travelling on schedule. We should arrive at our destination tomorrow evening at 18:00. Have a pleasant journey. *PA jingle*

—

Game cutscene: KEMI PHONECALL

Train, food carriage interior / sunset 

Close up of the caller ID on Yu’s phone, it shows KEMI.  Split screen with Yu on the left and Kemi on the right.

YU: Hello Kemi.

Kemi: Yu~~~ How are you? Train journey going okay?

Yu: Yes, just had the halfway announcement. Should be back tomorrow evening.

Kemi: That’s great bro! Did the aunties hassle you to look at potential bride pictures again? I’m sorry to leave the reunion earlier than planned.

Yu: Sigh, yes they did but it’s fine.  They didn’t put up a lot of fight as they did you to get me to stay longer though.  

Kemi: Haha yeh … well you know. They’re old so they still have their ‘traditional values’ to uphold.

Yu: Ha tell me about it.  So what was that phone call in the end? Your Boss? Sounded pretty important to leg it back to the city.

Kemi: Yeh I think we’re trying to snoop on that new business politician.

Yu: Be careful, Kemi.

Kemi: No worries Yu! I can look after myself~ Oh yeh! Did you manage to start writing?

Yu: Yes.

Kemi: Did it help?

Yu: A bit. Yes. I think I’ll carry it on for a while longer.

Kemi: That’s brilliant bro! That makes me really happy!  Okay, I gotta dash.  I think we’re starting an interview.

Yu: Okay. Good luck with work Kemi. See ya.

Kemi: Take care!

——

(Extra cut scene?)

Kemi is the only one who knows about the incident. I didn’t have the hear to tell our parents anything.  Instead I made up a lame excuse about how the hospital were low on staff which was why I had to leave early.  Kemi had to leave early for her job too … unlike me, she didn’t have to lie.  God, I’m such a state.  I definitely need that drink.

So far version 1 has one vote!