OK this is a work in progress I just typed these out tonight and I wanted to sleep on them first before publishing but if anyone has feedback, ideas and criticisms please comment as I want to create the best blurb possible.
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Part 1 of Blurb
Not every life ends pleasantly and not every person gets remembered....
or
Not every life ends pleasantly....
Or
(Blood on his hands and mind and the ones left behind are after him and those that he loves)
Part 2 of Blurb
Death is a hard thing to handle, especially when you are the person that caused it. While returning home and trying to get his life back on track Yu is involved in an accident and what remains of his life is thrown into question. Yu’s sister Kemi disappears while investigating a business man. It is Ghost month and something foul is afoot. Yu beings the investigation into the disappearance but whatever lies behind her disappearance is about to engulf him, will he catch up to the past or will the past catch up to him.
or
Death is a hard thing to handle, especially when you are the person that caused it. Following the death of patient, Yu (last name) has been given indefinite leave to recoup. Travelling home from a family reunion everything does not go well, Yu’s sister Kemi disappears after investigating a mysterious business man. After the disappearance it is Yu’s responsibility to investigate Kemi’s disappearance all the while whatever stalked Kemi will also engulf him.
(You can also add the features at the bottom like solve puzzles to delve deeper into Horror novel/mystery)
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Edit 1: The blurb being a short sentence and then a longer paragraph comes from a system I have seen on DS games and science fiction books, I made it more clear with this edit.
Brilliant work Tim! This is going to be so epic when it gets put together!
ReplyDeleteI vote for your 2nd blurb but I've added some minor changes:
Death is a hard thing to handle, especially when you are the caused of it. Following the death of a young patient, Yu Ling has been given indefinite leave to recoup. Travelling home from a family reunion for GHOST MONTH the journey takes takes an unexpected turn. Yu’s sister Kemi disappears after investigating a mysterious business man as well as being a suspect for murder.
Something foul is afoot and is determined to engulf Yu in its shadows the harder he tries to save his sister. Will he make it before the Gates of Hell closes for GHOST MONTH?
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Ok the last paragraph is still a work in progress but Tim, see what you can come up with what I've written. I've tried to kind of tie your two blurbs together particularly mentioning Ghost Month and how Kemi disappears ... wait or maybe omitted the bit about being the suspect for murder is too much. GARH I dno. Lemme think about it a bit more XD
THANKS TIM! YOU RAWK.
i like the first line in option one and for the second one i like paragraph 2 :D
ReplyDeletegood writing!
Ok I have done some more work on it, been trying to make the final bit work but it alas still escapes me, I will keep at it.
ReplyDelete=
Not every life ends pleasantly and not every person gets remembered....
Death is a hard thing to handle, especially when you are the cause of it. Following the death of a young patient, Yu Ling has been given indefinite leave to recoup. Travelling home from a family reunion for GHOST MONTH the journey takes an unexpected turn. Yu’s sister Kemi disappears after investigating a mysterious business man but is soon also the prime suspect in a murder investigation.
Something foul is afoot and it is determined to engulf Yu deeper in its shadow the harder he tries to save his sister. Will he make it before the Gates of Hell closes for GHOST MONTH?
I really like this version alot, I think it only needs a small amount of tweaking and its done!
ReplyDeleteNot every life ends pleasantly and not every person gets remembered....
ReplyDeleteDeath is a hard thing to handle, especially when you are the cause of it. Following the death of a young patient, Yu Ling has been given indefinite leave to recoup. Travelling home from a family reunion for GHOST MONTH the journey takes an unexpected turn. Yu’s sister Kemi disappears after investigating a mysterious man but is soon also the prime suspect in a murder investigation.
Something foul is afoot and it is determined to stop Yu from helping his sister. Will he save her or himself from the Shadow(s) [people] before the Hell Gates close?
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I know I'm bring in another element here that are the Shadows of the Shadow people but I'm not sure. Any more ideas?
Where it says:Something foul is afoot and it is determined to stop Yu from helping his sister. Will he save her or himself from the Shadow(s) [people] before the Hell Gates close?
ReplyDeleteshould it be:Something foul is afoot and it is determined to stop Yu from helping his sister. Will he save her and himself from the Shadow(s) [people] before the Hell Gates close?
Also what about shadows of people? Like shadows of their former self’s. ie ghosts
Hmmmm......I think possibly just "Shadows" will do.
ReplyDeleteI do like shadows of people but I think for that part we'd need to define an aggressive, conceptual entity that will chase the player. I like the idea of using that term in the future perhaps, or make it so that the players themselves will 'discover' that concept for themselves. Anyone else want to chip in? I think I'm pretty happy with it lol :D
That is great I will submit the Blurb's present creative state: the only thing which could be problematic is the hell gates close in previous versions it was gates of hell, is there any reason for it to be hell gates?
ReplyDelete--
Not every life ends pleasantly and not every person gets remembered....
Death is a hard thing to handle, especially when you are the cause of it. Following the death of a young patient, Yu Ling has been given indefinite leave to recoup. Travelling home from a family reunion for GHOST MONTH the journey takes an unexpected turn. Yu’s sister Kemi disappears after investigating a mysterious man but is soon also the prime suspect in a murder investigation.
Something foul is afoot and it is determined to stop Yu from helping his sister. Will he save her and himself from the Shadows before the Hell Gates close?
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteGates of Hell vs Hell Gates - Hell Gates I found it shorter and more to the point as this is already quite a lengthly blurb and I found that it flowed rhythmically better in my head. But that could just be me. If you find that writing Gates of Hell flows better, then we can go with that ;D
Well we will go with Hell Gates :)
ReplyDelete