Thursday 21 July 2011

Script Day1-v1


I suck at writing >:[
But it's gotta be done XD So anyway I've written two versions for Yu's blogologue for the beginning and I'm not sure which is better as I approached it differently for Yu in slightly different mindsets. One seems a bit more emotional compared to two but I'll post up both of them anyway.

VERSION 1:

Cutscene: INTRODUCTION
Train, sleeper compartment interior / sunset 
Yu is on the train writing on his laptop (player learns a little about the main character and his situation).  The train is a sleeper train and Yu sits alone in his 1st class compartment.  He has a very serious look on his face and is very focused on his laptop screen.

Today is the 13th August.
I am sitting on a train travelling from a family reunion back to the city.
I never really do these things-you know writing. “It’s not a girly diary, it’s a journal or a blog if you want to call it that”, so says Kemi.
I suppose you’d want to know why I’ve decided to start writing at all huh?  Well … I’ll be honest.  It was all my fault no matter what my work mates say.
My profession is a medical intern at the _______ City Hospital. About a week ago a kid was brought into A&E and because of … I … My team leader suggested I take a break.  “It’s Ghost Month soon, why don’t you take this opportunity to visit your family”. So I-

Yu’s laptop battery dies.

Cutscene ends.


===
OR
===

VERSION 2:

Cutscene: INTRODUCTION
Train, sleeper compartment interior / sunset 
Yu is on the train writing on his laptop (player learns a little about the main character and his situation).  The train is a sleeper train and Yu sits alone in his 1st class compartment.  He has a very serious look on his face and is very focused on his laptop screen.

My name is Yu.
It’s been about a week since that incident at A&E.
According to my sister, writing about my troubles will help me.  Well…here I am.

I am on a train.  I am travelling back to the city after visiting family and relatives for a bit.
I lied about having to go back to work - of course I don’t, since my team leader told me to take a break and use this holiday.
I couldn’t tell them anything.
I couldn’t tell them how I suddenly froze, how my vision went dark…how I failed….because of me we couldn’t….

The kid’s mother screaming and my team sticking up for me.
I couldn’t look them in the eye.
I went to the mother after and apologised for my inability.
I will never forget that face … [or that]- *scream*

Yu’s laptop battery dies.

Cutscene ends.
========================
Crap.  I forgot to plug in the charger before I started typing.  *Sigh*. Oh well, maybe I’ll go explore the train for a bit and give my legs a stretch…maybe grab a drink too.
-----
[Laptop]
My laptop is charging at the moment.  By the time I get back I can I should be able to save what I’ve written properly and perhaps watch a movie or something.
——
[PA] *PA jingle*
Thank you for travelling with us today. The time now is 17:00 with dry weather conditions at 23ยบ.  We have just reached our journey’s  halfway point and travelling on schedule. We should arrive at our destination tomorrow evening at 18:00. Have a pleasant journey. *PA jingle*
Game cutscene: KEMI PHONECALL
Train, food carriage interior / sunset 
Close up of the caller ID on Yu’s phone, it shows KEMI.  Split screen with Yu on the left and Kemi on the right.

YU: Hello Kemi.
Kemi: Yu~~~ How are you? Train journey going okay?
Yu: Yes, just had the halfway announcement. Should be back tomorrow evening.
Kemi: That’s great bro! Did the aunties hassle you to look at potential bride pictures again? I’m sorry to leave the reunion earlier than planned.
Yu: Sigh, yes they did but it’s fine.  They didn’t put up a lot of fight as they did you to get me to stay longer though.  
Kemi: Haha yeh … well you know. They’re old so they still have their ‘traditional values’ to uphold.
Yu: Ha tell me about it.  So what was that phone call in the end? Your Boss? Sounded pretty important to leg it back to the city.
Kemi: Yeh I think we’re trying to snoop on that new business politician.
Yu: Be careful, Kemi.
Kemi: No worries Yu! I can look after myself~ Oh yeh! Did you manage to start writing?
Yu: Yes.
Kemi: Did it help?
Yu: A bit. Yes. I think I’ll carry it on for a while longer.
Kemi: That’s brilliant bro! That makes me really happy!  Okay, I gotta dash.  I think we’re starting an interview.
Yu: Okay. Good luck with work Kemi. See ya.
Kemi: Take care!
——
(Extra cut scene?)
Kemi is the only one who knows about the incident. I didn’t have the hear to tell our parents anything.  Instead I made up a lame excuse about how the hospital were low on staff which was why I had to leave early.  Kemi had to leave early for her job too … unlike me, she didn’t have to lie.  God, I’m such a state.  I definitely need that drink.



So far version 1 has one vote!

7 comments:

  1. I think version 2 is better. It introduces the character, explains his situation, why he is there, gives some background detail and shows the relationship between the brother and sister(and her profession) which is important to the rest of the story.

    Also the repeated use of "I" works well as it makes it more personal to the player. Also keep the extra cutscene or even just have him saying that bit at the end of the previous cutscene.

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  2. Thanks for the input but quite typical that you'd go for the one 'emotionless' version and Mike would go for the 'emotional' one XD. I'll leave it for a bit and see what the others say.

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  3. LOL what? I thought they both had emotion..right?

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  4. V1 I wrote if Yu was in a very emotional and talkative sense. V2 was written if he was more...shocked about the whole situation and deadpan. XD

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  5. i prefer version 2 as well just because it drew me in quicker :D but despite what you say jade i think the writing is pretty good and i like it so far c:

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  6. Aw thanks Michelle! *gwomps!* ILU!!! XD

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